Oral Fixation

A week ago, I was down with fever yang juga dengan diiringi dengan muntah-muntah yang hebat. No, I am not pregnant for the third time, yet, I may have eaten something that tickle my tummy, the wrong way. I couldn't eat solids for 5 days and can bersyukur that bubur is the best that I can feast upon. Pada waktu tersangat desperate,  I made my husband beli bubur kat Kadir sebab ada ikan bilis goreng, telur masin ada cili-cili & kangkung goreng. Lama sungguh rasanya tak sakit sampai macam ni. Lembik & helpless terus. Right after recovery I feel so kurus I think I my girls shrunk into Bee Dees sizes. Gosh. I feel so un-sexy I don't even have nafsu looking at me. 

I have never been a big eater, not even during my pregnancies. I only eat when I'm hungry and I usually eat in small portions. I don't really munch in between meals and I don't like kerepek, chocolates, kekacang etc. That's why dulu masa kat office, waktu kakak yang jual munchies dalam troli tu lalu, I hardly buy from her, but kadang-kadang beli sebab kesian dia lalu tu tapi kita buat taktau pulak kan.  I've tried kononnya nak makan granola, energy bars tapi terasa macam poyo.  I am the person that people will label rugi bawak pegi buffet buka puasa yang mahal-mahal, sebab tak boleh makan banyak. Masa pregnant pun, I only gain 8 - 9 kgs and lost all of it right after I gave birth. I remember appreciating my not-so-curvy curve during those 9 months and missing it so badly once I'm back to my skeletal physique. I always complaint to my roomate that I hate being so kurus, but he said it is better than if I gain weight uncontrollably. I second that, and I am grateful. But, I do wish for a bit of flesh here and there, where it matters to me at least. 

You know, men do tell the truth (sometimes just to get themselves off the hook) when they say that "It's ok","You look ok", "Dah cantik dah tu" but we women, we are complicated ungrateful creatures most of the times. We need to be frequently reminded that we are nice to be looked at. Even in the dark. Haha. 

Can I just add fat, cheese, cupcakes, milk, and all the fattenings into my diet now? I haven't shop for pretty sleepwear ever since I can't remember when. I want to be able to wear a nice baju kurung without looking like a budak darjah-darjah, not because my face looks young (I have wrinkles) but because I am shapeless.

Heavenly body Miranda Kerr 

One of my mission impossible this year is, to gain weight, without getting pregnant. Funnily enough, I think I am going to fail. Argh. Allah tu adil kan. Agaknya memang sengaja dia tak bagi kita sesuatu yang kita nak sangat-sangat, takut-takut nanti kita tak boleh nak handle. Manalah tau kalau tiba-tiba dapat body hot, lupa diri pulak. Nauzubillah. 

Apa pun, sangat bersyukur, eventhough kurus, telah kembali sihat seperti sediakala, cuma selera makan yang belum berapa normal. Mungkin kena cari stimulant supaya tekak ada semangat nak telan makanan sedap dan menaikkan berat badan at the same time. Dan juga syukur, dalam keadaan kurus, berjaya fully breastfeed my daughter for 2 years. Two Years! Yeay to breastfeeding!